I Salute You

When I was much younger (not as young as in my picture)I was a stage manager. And the cycle of auditions, casting, rehearsals, performances then closing usually took from 3 to 4 months for what was then called a 'showcase.'  The experience was and still is a very intense one in which everyone involved is usually quite vulnerable.  Whether standing under the lights as an actor and listening to someone tell you how to do what you do; to the designer coming up with the lights hoping they work for a scene and then has to wait for the response to the work. 

There are weeks of intimate connections--from daily embraces at the top of rehearsals; simulated emotional experiences on stage; or after work intimate revelations over a drink (you think the director hates you or your lover walked out) just to wind down before going home.

Then the production is over and everyone goes their separate ways!  When I was in my 30s my therapist told me to stop being a stage manager because the separation at the end of a production was too traumatizing for me; it replicated the abandonment feelings I had from childhood.  I'd be plunged into a depression that I bathed in drinks and drugs until the next show came along. Fortunately it was the late 70s so nobody noticed!

Now I'm better prepared for that emotional roller coaster and I like to think that I can carry in my heart the people and experiences that I've had during the show.  I still get to be friends w/the director and the company that produces me.  I try to follow the work that the actors and designers are doing so I feel connected.  I decided to frame it like friends from school--you don't see them regularly even though you've had a very intense relationship for 4 years. But when you see each other-at the reunion or on the street or on Instagram-you are thrilled.

I understand why some companies (more in the past than now) worked with a group of actors consistently.  You learned short cuts to the work and you never had to say goodbye.  

With the world turned upside down as it has since  the TOSOS production of LEAVING THE BLUES  closed in New York that sense of separation is even more dramatic!  I can't make the cast and company send me regular updates so I'm not anxious about my peeps.  But I will keep searching them out on social media (not stalking, I swear!).  Theatre is about human contact so social distancing is a great hardship.  

But here's hoping we still feel connected. And here's a suggestion of a more emotive way to greet people when you do bump into each other rather than simply clunking their elbows.  Tap your heart which lets folks know you care.  You do it for the pledge of allegiance do it for friendship.  You can even pat a bunch of times in place of that giant bear hug.

Meanwhile stay safe and I do salute you for the wonderful work you all have and will do. And I pat my heart many, many times.